As human beings, we have 2 drives that feed us, nurture us, and help us to grow. These are: obtaining rewards and avoiding threats. When these 2 drives are in balance, then we are able to survive and thrive. However, when we put fear in the driver seat for too long, everything gets thrown out of balance, and the need to avoid threat can tend to overshadow our desire to obtain rewards. As a result, instead of possibilities thinking, we are now shut down by self-sabotage thinking.
Self-Sabotage thinking could also be labeled as “what-if” thinking: “What if I apply for the job but I get turned down? What if I ask them out on a date but they reject me? What if I’m not good enough?” These fears, although they are psychological or emotional fears, feel the same to us on the inside as physical fears.
Here are some clues of self-sabotage thinking to be on the lookout for:
- Low self-esteem or self-concept
- Internalizing limiting beliefs about yourself
- Fear of change or of the unknown
- Obsessed with having to control others and your environment
So once you learn to recognize the negative, self-sabotaging tendencies within yourself, here are some helpful tips to help you combat them:
- Keep a journal handy and begin to write down the self-sabotaging thoughts right when you notice them.
- Next, ask yourself what you were thinking or doing right before you had the negative thoughts that may have lead you down that path and write that down as well.
- Then, ask yourself how much you truly believe those negative thoughts on a scale of 1-10.
- Now make a plan for yourself to change from the negative way of “thinking” into a more constructive way of “doing” in order to arrive at a much better outcome.
- Once you have deliberately made better choices with your thoughts which have led to better actions, then you can attach a reward for yourself for the better outcome that you have achieved.
- Continue this pattern until you conquer that area of your thought life and celebrate your growth as a person!